Landslide Recall Election Loss?
For the pain, itching, headache, nausea, bloating and national embarrassment of being a Trump cultist who gets blown out nearly 70-30, reach for real relief you can count on…
Now available in three delicious new flavors: crow, hamberder and yummy chocolate cake.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 15, 2021
Note: Just a heads-up: I think today’s the day self-employment taxes are due. Or as I call it: National Pound of Flesh Day. —Mgt.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the full harvest moon: 5
Days ’til the Ohio Celtic Festival in Mentor: 9
Americans polled by CNN who say they support requiring vaccinations for, respectively, office workers returning to the workplace, students attending school, and patrons attending concerts or sporting events: 54%, 55%, 55%
Amount Whirlpool will pay its employees to get vaccinated: $1,000
Percent chance that Portland Maine’s Allagash Brewing Co. won Brewer of the Year in the 15,001–100,000 Barrels class at the 2021 Great American Beer Festival in Denver: 100%
Cost of the new Roomba vacuum, whose latest improvement is using artificial intelligence to avoid smearing dog poop all over your floor: $850
Age of SNL alum and standup comedian Norm Macdonald when he died after a decade-long battle with cancer: 61
Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 4 beast governments and yet another covidiot pastor who’s Satan’s problem now). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: G’day…
CHEERS to the worst day in modern Republican history. Things can still go kerflooey, but with Joe Manchin fully invested in its passage and even Kyrsten Sinema playing footsies with it, the new voting rights bill unveiled yesterday could put a cast-iron lid on the red-hatted cult’s dream of one-party rule. Lay it on me…
The bill, dubbed the “Freedom to Vote Act,” contains a long list of provisions that includes making Election Day a public holiday, requiring same-day registration at all polling locations by 2024, and ensuring at least 15 days of early voting for federal elections.
“The text of the Freedom to Vote Act reveals a surprisingly good voting rights bill.”
—Voting rights attorney Marc Elias
The bill would aim to promote voter confidence and access by “requiring a uniform national standard for states that require identification for in-person voting, and allowing voters to present a broad set of identification cards and documents in hard copy and digital form,” a summary of the measure says.
Apparently Manchin is so committed to the bill he helped craft that he’s open to ensuring passage by doing something nasty to the filibuster. I can help him with that—just bring it to my house and I’ll take care of it with a chain, a cinderblock, a long pier, and the cover of darkness.
CHEERS to winning a big messaging battle. Sorry, Richard Engel. Tears for you, Jake Tapper. Thoughts and prayers, all you Republican haters. You tried to paint President Biden as the villain of the withdrawal from Afghanistan based on bullshit and bluster, but we’re happy to say it all backfired and now you just look like clueless backseat drivers:
The Biden administration’s messaging on Afghanistan is working, new polling seen exclusively by NatSec Daily shows. […]
He’ll sit here quietly and let his critics look stupid.
The C|T Group, an international consulting firm, sent one-sentence arguments to people in the United States, Britain and Australia, both in favor of and against President Joe Biden’s pullout decision. They found that pro-withdrawal lines drove more people to support leaving Afghanistan, whereas statements that backed remaining in the country weren’t as convincing.
The most effective line for Biden was this one: “The U.S. has been in Afghanistan for 20 years. That is far too long. Regardless of the impact, we should leave now.”
Amazing. An actual instance where the truth made it halfway around the world while the liars were still lacing up their shoes. I might have to get this cheer laminated and stick it on the fridge.
P.S. Apparently two of Afghanistan’s top new Taliban leaders have gone missing. If you find them, please drop them in your nearest mailbox. Return postage guaranteed.
CHEERS to “Old Bill.” Happy 163rd birthday to William Howard Taft. At 325 pounds, the 27th President (who later served as Chief Justice) was also our, um, “biggest boned.” It’s believed that his weight contributed to the fact that he was habitually sleepy. From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O’Brien:
William Taft had an alarming habit of dozing off at the drop of a hat. And nothing was so important that it couldn’t be slept through—including cabinet meetings, funerals (he was in the front row of one when a catnap came over him), and campaign engagements.
Like our previous president, Taft enjoyed the game of golf. Unlike the the previous president, Taft was smart, got important work done, and loved his country.
He once slept through a campaign motorcade in New York City—his open car cruised the streets, the great man snoring for all the city to see.
Pay your respects here. And I doubt the old man would complain if you tossed him a bucket ‘o ribs.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to today’s edition of Thanks No Thanks. Courtesy of CNN:
Taco Bell is testing a monthly subscription service. [C]ustomers can pay between $5 to $10 per month for a Taco Lover’s Pass, which gives subscribers one taco a day for 30 days. The app-based program is currently active until November 24.
This has been today’s edition of Thanks No Thanks.
CHEERS to Passion of the Pigskin. On this date in 1920, the National Football League was formed in Canton, Ohio. Half a dozen years ago, a study concluded that even with advances in safety equipment, you have a twenty-five percent chance of developing a serious brain injury if you’re a player in the NFL. Even worse, we hear that, if you’re the head of the NFL, that number jumps to one hundred percent.
Ten years ago in C&J: September 15, 2011
CHEERS to a “battle royale.” That’s how The Boston Globe describes the showdown between Democrat Elizabeth Warren and Republican Scott Brown for the U.S. Senate next year, assuming Warren wins the Democratic nomination. This morning, she’s making it official:
“The pressures on middle class families are worse than ever, but it is the big corporations that get their way in Washington,” she says. “I want to change that. I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts. Declaring, “I‘m going to do this,“ she said those families have been “chipped at, hacked at, squeezed and hammered for a generation now, and I don’t think Washington gets it.”
Behold the—and these are the coolest words I’ll type all week—official Elizabeth Warren for Senate campaign web site. My laptop just gave me a pop-up message: “Ow ow ow—stop squeezing me so hard!” Sorry. [9/15/21 Update: This just in: she won.]
And just one more…
CHEERS to G-d’s Amazing 25-Hour Miracle Diet. The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur starts at sundown (which in Maine is, like, 6 O’clock now) and continues through tomorrow. According to C&J’s go-to guide, Torah Tots…
Yom Kippur is a Shabbat…no work can be performed on Yom Kippur.
It is well-known that you are supposed to refrain from eating and drinking (even water) on Yom Kippur. It is a complete, 25+ hour fast beginning before sunset on the evening before Yom Kippur and ending after nightfall on the day of Yom Kippur. The Talmud also specifies additional restrictions: washing and bathing, anointing one’s body (with cosmetics, perfumes, etc.), marital relations and wearing leather shoes.
The holiday is a somber one during which Jews confess their sins and seek forgiveness over the course of a day. That’s why I’m not Jewish—I’d barely get started before the closing buzzer went off.
Have a happy humpday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
”Alas, I finished Cheers and Jeers feeling as though I’d clicked on something that promised a bit of substance but delivered a whole lot of nothing.”
From Daily Kos at Read More. This article is republished from DailyKos under an open content license. Read the original article at DailyKos.