Time after time, Melania Trump slapped her husband’s hand away faster than a hummingbird could flap its wings. Assuming fusion power fails to pan out, it’s nice to know that her phalanges-flickin’ wrist is an untapped source of renewable energy that will last us at least until her death—or until he stops lunging at her like she’s a slab of seasoned gyro meat mere minutes from its expiration date. Whichever comes first.
While the Trumps are presumably mammals, I’ve no doubt Donald would eat his family members one by one if he needed to survive in an emergency. Hell, I’m convinced he’d tuck into Eric before ever eating a salad … or even a low-carb crouton. (Not Don Jr., though, because it would be all but impossible to adhere to the five-second rule for things that fell on the floor after injecting cocaine into their eyeballs.)
So it’s beyond refreshing now to have a president and VP who are not only competent but recognizably human.
First up, Uncle Joe:
Aww, he picked a dandelion for Dr. Jill! To be fair, I can’t decide if that video is super-sweet or uber-dorky. Let’s go with the former, shall we? Only because it’s obviously a sincere gesture.
But the Bidens aren’t the only embarrassingly sweet couple in Washington. Here’s second gentleman Doug Emhoff giving a pre-address shoutout to his wife and vice president last night:
Aww … ya big dork.
Seriously, though, after four years of reptilian royalty, it’s nice to see humanity restored to the White House and VP’s residence.
Let’s keep this going for another eight years at least, shall we?
”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!
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