I remember my first brush with the consequences of screaming, “fake news!” Summer 1970. I’m playing with friends next door in Dr. Cassidy’s yard, which was big enough for kickball games. He’s out puttering in the yard and tells us to stay away from that plant cluster over there because it’s poison ivy and it’ll gives us blisters and make us itch like crazy.
I said no it won’t cuz I know better than you! I, of course, didn’t know better, and I knew I didn’t know better, but just to be a contrarian dick I ripped out a handful of that plant and rubbed it all over me and said “Nyah.” And you know what? I was fine…right up until I broke out in blisters and started itching like crazy. My mom had so much fun spraying that pink, crusty Rhuli Spray all over me, especially my face. For a week I looked like a walking bottle of Pepto Bismol.
That’s when I learned the important lesson that sometimes you listen to people in authority who know what they’re talking about and follow their advice, instead of being a petulant, contrarian moron just to get attention.
I was six. What’s your excuse, red-hatters?
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, June 3, 2021
Note: For a complete transcript of today’s C&J, deposit a million non-refundable dollars into my offshore bank account and then press “Print.”
By the Numbers:
Days ’til World Oceans Day: 5
Days ’til the Biden-Putin summit in Geneva: 13
Number of cases of “voter fraud”—all of them false addresses—out of 11 million cast in 2020 that Texas Republicans found: 16
Number of the 17 presidents before Joe Biden who spoke in Tulsa on the anniversary of the 1921 massacre: 0
Number of JBS meatpacking plants that were shut down after a ransomware attack: 6
Months since Maine’s Covid cases have been as low as they are now: 7
Portion of Maine high school students who have used pain meds not prescribed to them: 1-in-8
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
It seems to me there is a direct connection between the Republicans’ inability to run anything governmental (“Heckuva job, Brownie”) and the fact that they don’t believe in government.
The simplest purposes of government have long been defined for us—to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. It is, or should be, a benign enterprise, making life better for citizens.
I carry no special brief for government—many years of studying the Texas Legislature will disenchant anyone. But if you are put in charge of government, the least you can do is run it well. Bill Clinton took government seriously—he was interested in how to make it work better, interested in government policy. Clinton declared the era of Big Government over and indeed pruned the federal structure and finished with a surplus. Bush is giving us fat, bloated, inefficient, corrupt government, all of it running on a huge deficit—not counting the expense and growing body count in Iraq.
Puppy Pic of the Day: I hope this puppeteer makes a ton of money…
New England-style, July 11.
CHEERS to picking up where we left off. So, as I was saying in March 2020 before we were so rudely interrupted by the pandemic: we’re having a New England meetup. It’s happening Saturday, July 10 starting at 11:30am at Robert’s Maine Grill in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. You can check out their menu here. To RSVP or get more info, email Michael at Cuckolds04103 [at] gmail.com. It’s a great chance to get caught up with all the haps of the last 16 months with like-minded buds, enjoy some tasty vittles, and casually continue our planning to achieve world domination by 2226. Let us know by June 15 so we can give the restaurant a firm headcount. Please come vaccinated. And if you’ll be beaming in from outside the region, please use Teleporter Deck B, unless you don’t mind getting melded with a maintenance guy changing a light bulb in the men’s room.
CHEERS to part XXXVIII in Joe Biden’s series, The Un-Doing’ing. Our feathered, finned, and furry planet-mates in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge can breathe a bit easier today, now that oil and gas leases that were offered like candy by the Trump administration have now been suspended by the Biden administration:
Citing the “legal deficiencies” of the current program and “inadequacy” of the previous review, Secretary Deb Haaland suspended all activities inthe region on Tuesday, pending a comprehensive analysis.
ANWR covers 19.3 million acres, about 1.6 million of which are coastal plains containing precious and highly fought over oil and gas resources. It’s home to hundreds of thousands of migrating polar bears, waterfowl and caribou—and it’s warming twice as fast as any other region on the Earth due to climate change. […]
The Gwich’in tribe previously called drilling in the area “dangerous, risky, and unpopular.” In a joint statement, 17 Indigenous and conservation organizations thanked the administration for taking steps to protect the land.
Republican climate-change deniers, of course, are all like Wah, why won’t preznit let us kill our planet in peace??? They’ll be put on an ice floe. Just as soon as we can find one that still exists.
CHEERS to moments worth remembering. Thirteen years ago today, when he was but a 46-year-old lad:
“Our primary season has finally come to an end…Because of you, I can say that I will be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States of America.”
Terrorist fist jab? (Hey, I’m just asking.)
“America, this is our moment! This is our time!”
—Barack Obama, June 3, 2008
Fast forward. In two months the popular two-term president turns 60, when his slogan will change to, “This is my moment to get up and pee. This is my third time tonight!” Welcome to our world, pal.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to going above and beyond. In 2020, Then-Rep. Deb Haaland won reelection in New Mexico’s 1st District by 16 points. Joe Biden won there by 23. So the question on everyone’s mind during Tuesday’s special election to fill now-Secretary Haaland’s seat was whether Democrat Melanie Stansbury’s margin of victory over Trump cultist Mark Moores would be in the ballpark. First things first: She won!
Stansbury closely tethered her bid for Congress to proposed and enacted Democratic legislation on pandemic relief, infrastructure spending and interventions to slow climate change. Her victory shores up the Democratic majority in Congress ahead of 2022 midterm elections. […]
Good luck in Congress, ma’am. But stay away from that Taylor-Greene lady—she has rabies.
Stansbury’s victory preserves an all-female House delegation for the state.
But could she win by Haaland’s 16-point margin or Biden’s 23? No. She could not. She left ’em in the dust with a 24-point blowout. It’s a sign that Democratic voter enthusiasm may be the least of our worries heading into next year’s midterms. As for Republicans, they’re reeling like vampires in a garlic factory—their guy just got beat by a lady scientist. That’s gotta hurt.
JEERS to the Big Whiffer. On June 3, 1888, “Casey at the Bat” was first published in The San Francisco Examiner. Who can forget those immortal final words…
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright; The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has gotten overrun by Imperial Walkers and the forces of Kylo Ren and tossed into the Sarlacc pit, thus securing the victory of the Empire because, funny coincidence, it turns out that Casey was really the last Jedi.
Oops, I almost forgot: Spoiler Alert.
Ten years ago in C&J: June 3, 2011
CHEERS to seeing the forest for the spent fuel rods. Wow—talk about a policy change that would never fly here: Germany, whose chancellor is conservative, is going nuclear-free by 2022:
Chancellor Angela Merkel said she hopes the transformation to more solar, wind and hydroelectric power serves as a roadmap for other countries. […] The plan sets Germany apart from most of the other major industrialized nations. Among the other Group of Eight countries, only Italy has abandoned nuclear power, which was voted down in a referendum after the 1986 Chernobyl disaster.
Phasing out nuclear power within a decade will be a challenge, but it will be feasible and ultimately give Germany a competitive advantage in the renewable energy era, Merkel said.
The expected breakdown by energy source: 40 percent solar, 30 percent wind, 20 percent hydro, and 10 percent from turbines installed on Germans’ vocal cords that will generate several million watts of “Ach!” power.
[6/3/21 Update: As of last year, Germany produced 11 percent from solar, 31 percent from wind, 4 percent from hydro, and I’m told by the German government that I just made the whole “Ach!” power thing up, and I’m greatly offended. Consider this a diplomatic rift that can only be resolved with a lifetime supply of free wiener schnitzel.]
And just one more…
CHEERS to self-critics from the great beyond. These words of Theodore Roosevelt’s were trotted out a lot by the left during the previous administration, and for good reason. The dude occupying the office was a narcissistic crybaby who made it dictatorishly-clear he would brook no criticism. Now we have a fact-based, thoughtful, well-read, experienced, and compassionate president at the helm. And Roosevelt’s 103-year-old words apply to our guy just as much. As a public service, C&J publishes our annual reminder…
The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants.
True fact: Roosevelt once took a bullet to the chest and only sought medical treatment after he’d finished delivering his scheduled campaign speech.
He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile.
To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else.
The Kansas City Star, 7 May 1918
And so we shall.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
A BBC News report on a “sky Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool” connecting two residential buildings sparked some discussion on Twitter Tuesday, with many giving it the hardest of passes.
From Daily Kos at Read More. This article is republished from DailyKos under an open content license. Read the original article at DailyKos.