Oh! More Things I Know…
» It’s another day ending in y, and that means it’s another day that the federal government-hating state’s rights states down south will be happily accepting a disproportionately large share of federal tax dollars.
» A simple request to get vaccinated against a killer virus turned out to be a bridge too far for the most advanced nation on Earth.
» A stopped clock that’s on military time is only right once a day.
» I know we’re all really excited about the potential of windmills to generate power, but let’s not lose sight of why we’re installing them in the first place: to grind our grain.
» If we’re looking for a way to carry out the death penalty without getting all gross about it, we should give boredom a try.
» Now that Toyota has seen the error of its ways and will no longer continue funding Republican insurrectionist candidates, I can now continue buying Hondas.
» When the moon starts waxing, I always sing my favorite song: I Made It Through the Wane.
» I’d love to know what it’s like to be a multimillionaire who pays more in taxes than most people, just so I could empathize with the kind of anguish they go through day after day.
» If walking into a dark kitchen and stepping in cat vomit is a sign of being God’s chosen one, then it looks like I’m your guy.
» Coming soon to a campaign bumper sticker near you: TRUMP & THE GUY HE SENT A MOB TO HANG 2024
» The best-tasting water in the world will always come from squirt guns.
» And one for our visiting Q-Anon trolls: “Palmolive implants microchips while you do dishes. You’re soaking in it now.”
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 29, 2021
Note: A heads-up that C&J will be taking a slacker day on Monday, given that this is slacker season and all. We encourage you—and, in fact, the entire universe—to slack along with us, because after you die the afterlife is just work work work. Back Tuesday. —Mgt.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til Farmworker Appreciation Day: 8
Percent chance that consumer confidence rose to a 17-month high in July, despite expert predictions it would fall: 100%
Year by which President Biden wants U.S. greenhouse gas emissions cut in half: 2030
Decline in the yield of soft-shell clams in Maine over the last 40 years: 75%
Price of a gallon of soft-shell clams last week: $225
Increase in housing prices last month, versus June 2020 according to the S&P CoreLogic Case-Shiller home price index, which is at its highest level since 1991: 16.6%
Age of Mick Jagger as of Monday: 78
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
You have more political power than 99 percent of all the people who ever lived on this planet.
You can not only vote, you can register other people to vote, round up your friends, get out and do political education, talk to people, laugh with people, call the radio, write the paper, write your elected representatives, use your email list, put up signs, march, volunteer, and raise hell.
All your life, no matter what else you do—butcher, baker, beggerman, thief, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief—you have another job, another responsibility: You are a citizen. It is an obligation that requires attention and effort. And on top of that, you should make it into a hell of a lot of fun.
—From Who Let the Dogs In?
Puppy Pic of the Day: In Wellesley, Massachusetts: Found!!!
CHEERS to girl power. Change may be slow, but it’s happening nonetheless. And at the Olympics, it’s about time. For one thing, this year there’s nearly 50-50 parity between male and female athletes. For another, they’re not just competing in the arena, they’re making their voices heard on more than just their chosen sport:
Female athletes have attracted the spotlight on the international stage by championing racial equality and taking ownership of what they wear during competitions.
“Historically, we’ve seen the role of patriarchy sort of supersede … the voices, lived experiences of girls and women on the Olympic stage,” said Akilah Carter-Francique, executive director of the Institute for the Study of Sport, Society and Social Change at San Jose State University. “What we’re seeing now is an acknowledgement of their value in their perspective on many of the issues that are taking place.”
Carter-Francique said the protests and demonstrations by female athletes in Tokyo are extensions of social movements that have fueled activism on American soil and abroad. “The Black Lives Matter Movement, Me Too, prior to that, served as catalysts for groups that have been historically marginalized and silenced to speak up,” she said.
I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again: women can’t rule this planet soon enough.
JEERS to the wrong word at the wrong time. As the CDC issues new guidelines on mask wearing, the media is falling all over itself (et tu, Lester Holt?) to say that the agency is “backtracking.” No…they’re just adapting to evolving circumstances as the Delta variant proves to be a formidable foe because the unvaccinated are fueling it’s pandemicness. So let’s take it from the top:
CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky announced that the agency now recommends that people in areas with “high” or “substantial” Covid-19 transmission should resume wearing masks indoors. Nearly two-thirds of US counties have high or substantial transmission of Covid-19, according to CDC data; 46% of counties have high transmission and 17% have substantial transmission.
Red/Orange = mask up.
“In recent days I have seen new scientific data from recent outbreak investigations showing that that Delta variant behaves uniquely differently from past strains of the virus that cause Covid-19,” Walensky told reporters.
She added later, “This weighs heavily on me. I know that at 18 months through this pandemic, not only are people tired, they’re frustrated. We have mental health challenges in this country. We have a lot of continued sickness and death in this country. Our health systems are in some places being overrun for what is preventable and I know, in the context of all that, it is not a welcome piece of news that masking is going to be a part of people’s lives who have already been vaccinated.”
Said President Biden Tuesday as he was announcing that he may implement mandatory vaccination and/or testing for federal employees: “If you’re not vaccinated, you’re not nearly as smart as I thought you were.” Just like what all my former bosses used to say to me. Except I believe their exact words were, “If you’re not off that porn site by the time I count to three…”
CHEERS to the hockey mom-turned-hepcat. My, how time flies when you’re griftin’ your way to irrelevance. This week marks twelve years since Sarah Palin officially stopped governin’ in Alaska, having resigned after half a term because “only dead fish go with the flow” (a lie, but whatever). After giving her farewell speech, she padded off to pursue her new passion of putting money before public service, but not before beat poet William Shatner put her tweets into the proper context on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien:
That was truly a crazy and surreal moment in time. Conan O’Brien actually hosted the Tonight Show???
P.S. I was reminded this week that seven years ago Palin threw up the web site “SarahPalinChannel.com,” a subscription-only channel that was going to propel the half-term Alaska governor to new heights of power, influence, and (most important) fabulous riches. I checked and the site is now an online gambling portal presented in a language that’s not English. I guess her content was worth exactly what people ended up not paying for it.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
JEERS to seeking new pastures to poop in. Are you sitting down? I have some news. Jared Kushner is…. Jared Kushner is…. Oh, this is too upsetting, so here’s Reuters:
Jared Kushner, a top adviser to former President Donald Trump, plans to launch an investment firm in coming months, a move that will take him away from politics for the foreseeable future, sources familiar with the plan said on Wednesday. […]
Kushner remains close with his father-in-law, the sources said, but by re-entering the private sector he is stepping away from politics for the foreseeable future.
It’s a smart play. If you’re a corrupt SOB with no moral compass and you want to move up the ladder, it’s important to be a failure in both the public and private sector.
CHEERS to the first ringy dingy. 107 years ago, on July 29, 1914, transcontinental telephone service began when someone in New York called someone in San Francisco. The conversation ended with the successful sale of a couple hundred bucks worth of term life insurance, a Thighmaster, and a donation to Woodrow Wilson’s reelection campaign. Smooth sales rep.
Ten years ago in C&J: July 29, 2011
CHEERS to—apologies to Robert Frost—”miles to go before I fill ‘er up.” The Obama administration announced a deal with the auto industry to lock in new fuel efficiency standards. Nutshell: they have to reach 54½ miles per gallon or “163 grams per mile of carbon dioxide equivalent” between 2017 and 2025. That will result, they say, in a 50 percent reduction in greenhouse gas emissions and a 40 percent drop in fuel consumption. Also between 2017 and 2025: a 50 percent increase in Republican whining about excessive regulation and, when the new rules prove to be a rousing Democratic success, a 40 percent increase in crow consumption.
And just one more…
CHEERS to Balloongate. Ha ha ha…we can laugh about it now, right? Seventeen years ago today, on July 29, 2004, the exclamation point that was supposed to cap John Kerry’s acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention in Boston turned into an expletive-filled question mark when producer Don Mischer, not realizing his voice was going over the air, yelled:
“Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go, goddammit. I want more balloons. What’s happening to the balloons? We need more balloons. Balloons balloons balloons! What the fuck are you guys doing up there??!!”
Astonishingly, seventeen years later the republic survives. Barely.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
“If you’re not reading Cheers and Jeers, you’re not nearly as smart as I thought you were.”
From Daily Kos at Read More. This article is republished from DailyKos under an open content license. Read the original article at DailyKos.