We hear you’ve been hit by a once-in-a-generation snow and ice storm accompanied by Arctic-like temperatures, causing major power outages, accidents, shutdowns across the state, and life-threatening winter havoc not experienced in your back yards for decades. We also understand you’re appealing to the federal government, which pools money from all the states to help in situations like this, to give you a big, Texas-sized emergency bailout.
We regret to inform you that we can’t fulfill your request. As a red state, it’s your job to show the rest of the country how rugged individualism—pulling yourselves up by your bootstraps, as you say—is more effective than collective teamwork. Plus God told us it was His punishment on you for coddling your America-hating televangelists, anti-maskers, and gun nuts. But, at the end of the day, it’s really all about deficits, you know? We just can’t afford your Big Government request to dig us into an even bigger fiscal hole. We’re sure you understand.
No Democratic Leader Ever
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 16, 2021
Note: Today’s note is in a minor key today. I’m feeling villainous.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til full-team spring training starts for most Major League teams: 6
Percent approval of President Biden in the latest CNBC survey: 62%
Percent chance that British PM Boris Johnson told CBS News he finds the Biden administration’s performance so far “highly encouraging”: 100%
Estimated number of Americans who have received their first Covid-19 vaccine shot: 50 million
Lithuanians polled by Gallup who have a favorable opinion of Russia’s leadership: 9%
First-time jobless claims last week, down 19,000 from the previous week: 793,000
Percent of Americans polled by Gallup in 1939 who approved of First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt’s resignation from Daughters of the American Revolution because they wouldn’t allow Black opera singer Marian Anderson to perform at the Lincoln Memorial: 57%
Puppy Pic of the Day: Tuesday Snoozeday…
CHEERS to Captain Git’erdone. The endorphin rush of solo achievements by the Executive Branch continues, with too many Biden administration rollbacks and move-forwards to count, but here’s a sample:
✔ Is running ahead of schedule on his pledge of 100-million Covid vaccinations in 100 days (50 million given as of day 27) as new cases drop big-time
✔ The CDC is back up and running, and Healthcare.gov is open again for a special 3-month period of Obamacare enrollment for those who need it
✔ Rolled back the ban on transgender enlistments in the military and restored protections against LGBTQ discrimination at HUD
✔ Swept away work requirements for Medicaid recipients
✔ On the third anniversary of the Parkland student massacre, called for “requiring background checks on all gun sales, banning assault weapons and high-capacity magazines, and eliminating immunity for gun manufacturers who knowingly put weapons of war on our streets”
✔ Is planning to go all FDR on America’s ass when it comes to Jobs Jobs Jobs
✔ Is actively rebuilding our relationship with NATO
In addition to all that, President Biden also found time over the weekend to defeat granddaughter Naomi in a few laps of Mario Kart at Camp David. Take note, Kim Jong Un—there’s a new sheriff in town.
CHEERS to losing your magic armor. Well, well, well. The impeachment trial—a “political” act—ended with the most bipartisan vote to convict in history (though short of the 67 needed). And with the final whack of the adjournment gavel, President Biden’s predecessor now sits alone at Mar-A-Lago, surrounded by a dwindling number of devoted oddball members, the pervasive smell of bleach, and the knowledge that now all of his future trials will be the “criminal” kind:
Now a private citizen, Trump is stripped of his protection from legal liability that the presidency gave him. […]
Atlanta prosecutors have recently opened a criminal investigation into Trump’s attempts to overturn his election loss in Georgia, including a Jan. 2 phone call in which he urged that state’s secretary of state, Brad Raffensperger, to “find” enough votes to reverse Biden’s narrow victory.
And Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr., is in the midst of an 18-month criminal grand jury investigation focusing in part on hush-money payments paid to women on Trump’s behalf [after he cheated on his wife with them], and whether Trump or his businesses manipulated the value of assets—inflating them in some cases and minimizing them in others—to gain favorable loan terms and tax benefits.
Two words for a weary nation in need of a guilty verdict or three: Tick tock.
CHEERS to Mardi Gras! Nothing but virtual decadence and gluttony on the schedule today as Americans celebrate the religious observance of, um, decadence and gluttony. (I’m a bit behind in my Bible studies—half a century to be precise.) As I understand it, if I display some boobs you’ll throw me some beads. Right? Okay then, check out these babies:
I’d like my beads to be made out of trillion-dollar platinum coins, please.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to sports shorts. The Jacksonville Jaguars have just hired Chris Doyle as their new director of sports performance, and in other news Chris Doyle has just resigned as the Jacksonville Jaguars’ new director of sports performance. Film at 11. Blink and you’ll miss it.
CHEERS to the last useful thing the Vatican ever did. On this date in 600, Pope Gregory the Great decreed that “God Bless You” would become the religiously correct response to a sneeze. Mostly because the old response—”Oh, hey, that sounds bubonic”—was scaring off the faithful.
Ten years ago in C&J: February 16, 2011
JEERS to South Dakohmygod. Hey, Canada! Ya wanna take South Dakota off our hands for cheap? It’s a lovely place. The only caveat: you have to take the idiots who are proposing a bill legalizing the shooting of abortion providers. We’ll haul it up there for ya on a flatbed. You can squeeze it in between Manitoba and Saskatchewan. Trust us—there’ll never be a dull moment when they move in. Disclaimer: Mount Rushmore not included. But we’ll throw in the Phelps family from Kansas at no extra charge.
And just one more…
CHEERS to ancient suds. Every day for 56 years I’ve made it a point to open my laptop and Google “Ancient Egyptian Beer Factory” hoping that one day—one day!—my quest would lead me to a positive search result. I’d almost given up when, Sunday morning, my persistence was rewarded. Hot damn, they found one…
Archaeologists have discovered a massive 5,000-year-old brewery in the ancient Egyptian city of Abydos, according to Egypt’s Ministry of Tourism and Antiquities.
The brewery was located in Egypt’s Sohag Governorate, and likely dates back to the reign of King Narmer, around 3100 BC, the ministry said in a statement on Saturday—making this the oldest brewery found in Abydos. […]
The brewery could have been producing as much as 22,400 liters (about 5,900 gallons) of beer at a time, [mission co-leader Dr. Matthew Adams of New York University] said.
While they were in production mode, the ancient brewers really had to hops to it to. But considering they were working on behalf of the king, it was the yeast they could do.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
“The devil is a saint when compared to Bill in Portland Maine.”
From Daily Kos at Read More. This article is republished from DailyKos under an open content license. Read the original article at DailyKos.