Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

My New Year’s Resolutions (since everyone keeps asking):

» I shall greet President Biden and Vice President Harris as liberators with sweets and flowers.

» I shall take a swig of whatever’s handy every time President Biden puts back in place something that Trump dismantled, and down a shot every time he dismantles something Trump put in place.

» To prepare for the upcoming civil war the Proud Boys and their brothers-in-arms the Pork Rind Cavalry and Gooberstapo say is inevitable, I shall smoke some weed and then probably watch some TV.

Continued…

» I shall keep my pandemic ponytail long enough to visit my parents’ final resting place so I can hear them spin in their graves.

» I shall try to see the world from Ted Cruz’s point of view by spending some quality time acting like a soulless asshole.

» I shall reduce the number of distractions in my life by

» I shall resist the urge to throw tomatoes at private citizen Donald Trump during that brief period when they’re hustling him from the police car to the prison gate, on account of too many people are going hungry in this country.

»  I shall continue my 56-year streak of not shooting anybody. Sorry, but I can’t say the same about accidentally impaling people in the neck with lawn darts.

And, as always: exercise, exercise, exercise.

» I shall think more about world peace, economic justice and environmental health…or my insatiable need for cheap consumer goods that’ll be thrown away the moment they get a scratch on them, whichever comes first.

» I shall do more good deeds. Starting with deprogramming the old lady across the street from drooling whenever I ring her doorbell.

»  I shall remember what is best in life: “Destroy the Republicans, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentation of the Lindsey.”

»  As horrible as the current presidency was, I shall continue never forgetting all the monsters in the Bush II administration—including Bush himself—who should’ve been tried for war crimes.

» I shall peacefully resolve Daily Kos pie fights with my superior negotiating and arbitration skills, just as soon as we resolve our 19-year pie fight over the shape of the negotiating table.

» And I vow to continue wearing my motherf*cking mask, just as I hope you’ll vow to continue pardoning my French.

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Note: What kind of dancers do professional plumbers love most? Cloggers, of course. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

By the Numbers:

Perseverance and its li’l chopper meet the Martians in 44 days.

Days ’til the Perseverance rover lands on Mars: 44

Current federal minimum wage, a national embarrassment: $7.25

Rank of Sacramento, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Austin, and Atlanta among the top “destination cities” for people escaping the coronavirus from larger cities, according to the real estate site Redfin: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

The last time that the federal government executed more inmates in a year than it did in 2020: 1896

Estimated amount Trump has lost through mismanagement of his European golf properties: $90 million

Estimated size of the global mushroom market by 2025: $50 billion

Lifespan of the original version of FarmVille, which shut down December 31st: 11 years

Puppy Pic of the Day: Gathering to gossip around the water cooler…

CHEERS to the most important time of the day. 7:00pm ET. That’s when polls close in Georgia tonight (reminder: if you’re in line by 7 they have to let you vote), and we await the results of the twin U.S. Senate elections that’ll determine the balance of power in the upper chamber, which currently stands at 51 conservative cultists and 48 patriotic Democrats plus 2 independents who caucus with them. Here’s FiveThirtyEight’s definitive, red-line-in-the-sand prediction of who, in the races of Jon Ossoff vs. David Perdue and Rev. Raphael Warnock vs. Kelly Loeffler, is absolutely, positively going to win (spoiler alert):

[W]e don’t really need more polls to tell us what we already know: These races could go either way. In fact, between the polls, the fundraising numbers, the early-voting data and the November results, both parties can find reasons to be optimistic heading into election day tomorrow.

It’s very simple, folks. They win, you get peaches.

We’ll find out on Tuesday night—maybe.

If Ossoff and Warnock win and the Senate stands tied at 50 Ds/Is and 50 Rs, stay tuned for Chapter 1 in the adventures of America’s newest superhero: Kamala Harris—Wonder Woman Tie Breaker.

CHEERS to Democrats at the helm. Over the weekend the 117th Congress was gaveled in, with Nancy Pelosi wielding the Speaker’s mighty hammer for a fourth term (though with fewer votes than last time, indicating this will likely be her last hoorah). On the upside, there are a record-setting 118 women now serving their constituents across the fruited plain. On the downside, all but one of the newbies came from the party that’s [circles ear with finger]. On the other upside, Democratic women still lead GOP women by a trailblazing three-to-one. A little historical perspective:

1921:  0 Democrats     0 Republicans

1941:  4 Democrats     3 Republicans

1961: 11 Democrats    7 Republicans

1981: 11 Democrats 10 Republicans

2001: 44 Democrats 18 Republicans

2021: 90 Democrats 28 Republicans

But, to be fair: Republicans totally own us when it comes to white guys in gray suits.

JEERS to 2001’s “I would like you to do us a favor, though” moment. Cult leader Donald Trump, not content to pass the baton gracefully after getting landslided in the electoral college (which will be certified by Congress tomorrow) and then pounded into the ground 60 times in post-election court rulings. It’s simply not in his nature to achieve anything honestly. So after pestering Georgia’s Secretary of State like a sleazy telemarketer, he finally got Brad Raffensperger to pick up the phone, whereupon he went into his sleazy pitch:

“So look,” Trump told Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger. “All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have.

Trump’s Oval Office phone will be the only remnant of his administration that ends up at the Smithsonian.

The phone call featured Trump, days before he is set to leave office, pleading with Raffensperger to alter the vote total and launching into a barrage of discredited conspiracy theories about the election. Trump even suggested that Raffensperger, who is a Republican, may face criminal consequences should he refuse to intervene in accordance with Trump’s wishes. […]

“The people of Georgia are angry. The people in the country are angry,” Trump said in the call. “And there’s nothing wrong with saying, you know, um, that you’ve recalculated.”

So there it is. We have met the election stealer…and he is him.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

illusion pic.twitter.com/ZBk2BlOVN8

— ViralPosts (@ViralPosts5) January 3, 2021

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to good health care news, for a change. Here’s a rather eye-popping fact, courtesy of Kossack brainwrap (aka caped ACA Signups crusader Charles Gaba): Thanks to state exchange rules and deadline extensions for various reasons, a great big gaggle of Americans (something like 1-in-4, I think) can still sign up for Affordable Care Act coverage. You can dive into the details here while I post his graphic giving you an idea where the exchanges are still open for business:

So remember: as far as 2021 ACA signups go, the fat, diabetic, atherosclerotic lady with gout and irritable bowel syndrome hasn’t sung yet. (Not to be a buttinski, but I’d strongly recommend she bump herself up to a silver plan before she does.)

CHEERS to Democratic bulldogs.  Former Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill—who coined the phrase “All politics is local”—died 27 years ago today at 81. His 1994 New York Times obituary is an excellent read on retail politics and how Team D can differentiate itself from Team R: 

He was a large, joyous, generous-spirited man with a bulbous nose, yellowed white hair that flopped over his forehead and an ever-present cigar. […]

You never saw him and Lt. Frank Drebin in the same room together.

Mr. O’Neill was an old-style politician and proud of it, a House Speaker comfortable with power, who clung to his brand of liberalism long after it ceased to be fashionable, even among his fellow Democrats.

An early opponent of the Vietnam War, Mr. O’Neill took strong positions on many controversial issues. He was the Congressional leader who pushed hardest for the impeachment of President Richard M. Nixon and later, as Speaker, put his prestige on the line for Congressional reform. […] To Mr. O’Neill, who spoke of the Democratic Party with near-religious fervor, the party was the one of the cities, the working people, the poor, the needy, the unemployed, the sick and the disinherited. “And no way are we ever going to let them down,” he would insist.

Pay your respects here. Bulbously.

Ten years ago in C&J: January 5, 2011

CHEERS to Madam Speaker.  I don’t think John Boehner takes the reins of the House until noontime, so I can still call Nancy Pelosi that.  (Although fair warning: if you go to the official Speaker’s web site now, you get a faceful of Boehner.)  I just want to go on the record in defense of that San Francisco liberal.  She passed bills and passed bills and passed bills and passed some more.  Bills to reform health care (with a public option, no less), bills to reform our environmental responsibilities, bills in unabashed support of gay rights.  Bills that improved public safety and education.  A bill that would’ve ended the Bush tax cuts on the rich.  Hundreds and hundreds of good bills…and a pathetically high number of them were sent to the Senate like cattle headed for the slaughterhouse.  She was a good Speaker, an aggressive Speaker, a progressive Speaker, a historic Speaker.  And best of all, you know what, kids?  She’ll be back.  [1/5/21 Update: Hey, just call me Nostradamus.]

And just one more…

JEERS to the Long, Cold, Dark Road Ahead. Our annual reminder that the next warm-weather holiday when most Americans actually get a long weekend off is Memorial Day—146 days away. But there’s one place where the weekend never ends: outer space. So put on your beer goggles and your chill-out face as Preston Dyches at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory reveals the January night-sky party forecast, including an inauguration-day appearance by our most snicker-worthy planet…

Bonus good news: five days into the new year and our planet’s still here.  (Our sanity? Still an open question.)

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“Pathetic. Weak. Spineless. Shameless. Shameful. Disgraceful. Deplorable. Unprincipled. Mendacious. Reprehensible. Despicable.”

George Conway


From Daily Kos at Read More. This article is republished from DailyKos under an open content license. Read the original article at DailyKos.

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