What Made Trump Look Like A Bigger Jackass in December
Every month since the start of the impeached one-term loser’s time in office, we’ve created a monthly pyramid—a “Bullshit Mountain,” if you will—of people and things that confirmed, month after painful month, his place in history as a sadistic doofus. Happy to say that this is the last one we’ll ever compile. It’s the shortest list, mostly because we got bored as Cadet Bone Spurs spent the last sorry month pathetically grasping at straws, and failing every time. So here it is in all its yawn-worthy glory:
The New York Post
His attorney general
Idiot “kraken” lawyer
The Electoral College
His crooked daughter
His Secretary of State
The 59 lawsuits he lost
His whacked-out eldest son
His “Big One!” Texas lawsuit debacle
His pathetic 46.9% popular vote total
His easily-guessable twitter password
His status among Americans as a “failed president”
Good riddance, Bucky. Thanks for nothin’. See you in court.
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 30, 2020
Note: C&J will post tomorrow morning as usual before heading out to endure scorn and ridicule for wearing a tan suit without a flag pin on New Year’s Eve. No C&J Friday as we spend the day in the basement sobbing over humanity’s cruelty. But we’ll return Monday morning both bright-eyed and bushy-tail, thanks to my success in finally drinking the right serum that turns me into a human-squirrel hybrid. If you won’t be here tomorrow, we pre-wish you a safe and happy New Year’s holiday.
—Manager, C&J Party Hats Division
By the Numbers:
Weeks ’til inauguration day: 3
Percent chance that Joe Biden will invoke the Defense Production Act to boost Covid vaccine production: 100%
Increase in medical school applications over the last year: 18%
Return in economic activity for every dollar spent on food stamps, according to Moody’s Analytics, versus $1.36 for federal aid to state governments and 30 cents for cutting corporate tax rates: $1.73
Percent of American adults polled by Gallup who said in 2006 and 2020 that marriage was very important that couples who have children together be married: 49%, 29%
Overall percent drop in crime in Maine last year, the 8th-straight annual decline, despite a 3% rise in violent crime: 6%
Years during which Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians performed Auld Lang Syne on New Year’s Eve: 1939-1977
Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 5 Arms Proliferations and 1 totally legit prophetess who will tell you how to prepare for the End Times if you give her money). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Oh fer…
CHEERS to democracy in action. Silly me. I have this radical small-d democratic notion that everyone who can vote should vote in elections, and whoever gets the most votes, regardless of party, wins. And while not everyone is expected to cast a vote in Georgia’s twin U.S. Senate runoff elections that end January 5th, they’re still flocking to the polls and that’s pretty cool:
Georgians have already broken the state’s runoff turnout record in the dual Senate runoffs that will decide control of the U.S. Senate, new numbers show Tuesday, a mark reached about a week before the day of the election.
More than 2.3 million voters have cast their ballots, with more than800,000 voting absentee by mail and 1.5 million voting early, in person, according to the Georgia Secretary of State’s office. The previous runoff turnout record was set in 2008, when Georgians cast 2.137 million total ballots in the entire election.
More than 78,000 Georgians who did not vote in the general election have already voted in the runoff race, according to the analysis of early vote data by the Democratic political data firm TargetSmart. Tom Bonier, TargetSmart’s CEO said Monday that a majority of those voters were voters of color, with African-Americans making up a strong portion.
Easy to see why: if Democrats Jon Ossoff and Rev. Raphael Warnock defeat calcified white-collar criminal David Perdue and crazy Q-Anon conspirator Kelly Loeffler, Team D wrests control of the Senate from the racist Republicans. If they don’t, then it’s four more years of government gridlock, minority voter suppression, and nobody gets any more peaches. Choose wisely, Georgia.
JEERS to good parent/bad parent. Here, in a nutshell, is what happened over the last 48 hours:
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi: Everyone look under your seats. YOU get $2,000 in pandemic relief and YOU get $2,000 in pandemic relief and YOU get $2,000 in pandemic relief and YOU get $2,000 in pandemic relief, and you ALL get $2,000 in pandemic relief!!!
The American people, who desperately need $2,000 in pandemic relief: Hooray! Thank you for allocating our tax dollars to benefit us during this time of crisis!
Pelosi: …but only if Miser Mitch in the Senate says it’s okay.
The American people: Aw, crap.
And that’s what we’re getting. A crap sandwich. Pass the ketchup, please. The whole jug.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to great moments in chemistry. 119 years ago this week, in 1911, Marie Curie received her second Nobel Prize for her work on radioactive elements:
After Marie and Pierre Curie first discovered the radioactive elements polonium and radium, Marie continued to investigate their properties. In 1910 she successfully produced radium as a pure metal, which proved the new element’s existence beyond a doubt. She also documented the properties of the radioactive elements and their compounds.
Radioactive compounds became important as sources of radiation in both scientific experiments and in the field of medicine, where they are used to treat tumors.
The Nobel committee honored Marie “in recognition of her services to the advancement of chemistry by the discovery of the elements radium and polonium, by the isolation of radium and the study of the nature and compounds of this remarkable element.” You might say she got a glowing review.
P.S. This week our idiot president fired off some photoshopped tweets that make it look like he won the Nobel Peace Prize. Bad move. You know what the Nobel Peace Prize committee does with people who abuse their images? For the answer, watch “Goodfellas.”
CHEERS to a cool place to hang out when you’re gone. Turns out that James Doohan, the actor who played one of the most endearing sci-fi characters ever, is resting in peace among the stars:
The late Doohan, who famously portrayed chief engineer Montgomery “Scotty” Scott on the original TV series “Star Trek,” had his ashes smuggled aboard the International Space Station, where they fittingly float in space today.
“I have been keeping a secret for over 12 years,” Chris Doohan, one of the sons of the “Star Trek” actor wrote on Twitter, adding a link to a Dec. 25 article from the Times of London that revealed the secret. The Starship Enterprise engineer has traveled nearly1.7 billion miles through space, orbiting Earth more than 70,000 times, after his ashes were hidden secretly on the International Space Station.
Richard Garriott, an entrepreneur and one of the first private citizens in space, says he smuggled James Doohan’s ashes onto the ISS in 2008 during a 12-day mission as a private astronaut in a plot concocted by Chris Doohan.
Space, of course, is described on Star Trek as “the final frontier.” It’s also cold, chaotic, desolate, and unforgiving. Which I guess explains why Republicans are trying to recruit it to run for office.
Ten years ago in C&J: December 30, 2010
JEERS to stinkin’ up the joint. Meanwhile at the United Nations, a foul odor caused an evacuation. They discovered that the bitter nutty smell was a problem related to the sewage system, but only after first sweeping the area to make sure John Bolton hadn’t wandered in.
And just one more…
CHEERS to the C&J winners’ circle. Since 2008, our Friday evening poll question has asked the same thing: “Who won the week?” And every Friday since 2008, you’ve wisely chosen from a group of candidates who have, against all odds, made the world a better place. I thought it would be more difficult to suss out candidates for the poll during the Trump years, but in fact there has been no shortage of heroes and sheroes, most of them nobly pushing back against the fascism that the Republican party has tried to foist on the rest of us. This week we’ve been posting the results of our 2020 WWTW polls, and today we present the winners from July through September. As you’d expect, the medical workers and first responders have dominated the year, so in those cases we’ll post the runner-up to remind ourselves of other events—like the election—that were also in the spotlight. The envelopes please:
July 3 First responders and medical personnel. Runner-up: The New York Times, for their reporting on Trump’s brush-off of the Russian program to pay bounties to the Taliban for killing U.S. troops
July 10 First responders and medical personnel. Runner-up: Our republic, as the Supreme Court rules that the president is not a king, and gives the go-ahead for the Manhattan D.A. to take possession of Trump’s tax returns.
July 17 First responders and medical personnel. Runner-up: Joe Biden: stellar polls, boffo reviews for his $2 trillion climate plan, and causing Trump to fire his hapless campaign manager and spend big in states that should be safe R
July 24 First responders and medical personnel. Runner-up: Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, for her blistering 10-minute response on the House floor to Rep. Ted Yoho’s non-apology apology after he called her a “fu**ing b*tch” in the Capitol
July 31 First responders and medical personnel. Runner-up: The Resistance, as Trump’s stormtroopers finally break under pressure from local, state, and federal Democratic officials and start leaving Portland and Seattle
Aug 7 Medical personnel and scientists. Runner-up: New York Attorney General Letitia James, for filing a lawsuit seeking to dissolve the NRA after its leaders funneled membership donations toward hedonistic pleasures for decades
Aug 14 Senator Kamala Harris, the first African-American and Asian-American woman ever to be chosen to be the running mate on a major party’s presidential ticket
Aug 21 The stars of the Democratic convention, including Joe, Barack, Michelle, the new generation of resistance leaders, and first Black woman on a major party ticket VP nominee Sen. Kamala Harris
Aug 28 The pro athletes and coaches, particularly those in the NBA and WNBA, who boycotted games and spoke out in reaction to the shooting of Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin
Sep 4 Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic, for breaking the story of President Trump’s open denigration (“losers,” “suckers”) of American soldiers wounded or killed in combat
Sep 11 Audiotape, as Bob Woodward’s interviews with the president reveal that he knew how infectious and deadly Covid-19 was in February, but publicly lied that it was “a hoax” that “would pass very quickly”
Sep 18 Federal Judge Stanley Bastian, for his nationwide injunction blocking “politically-motivated” Trump-ordered Postal Service changes that slowed mail delivery across the country
Sep 25 The legacy of Supreme Court Justice and “Super Diva” Ruth Bader Ginsburg. In terms of achieving her maximum potential for the good of humanity, The Notorious RBG knocked the ball out of the park and it ain’t coming down anytime soon.
Have a happy humpday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
House backs increasing Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool massaging stimulus jets to 2,000
From Daily Kos at Read More. This article is republished from DailyKos under an open content license. Read the original article at DailyKos.